Hold Me.x.Thril Me.x.Kiss Me.x.Kill Me

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 08:30:39 GMT

Meet me in outer space.
We could spend the night;
watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
won't you come with me?
We could start again.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close,
if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place,
it might be the only way that
I can show you how it feels to be inside you.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar.

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 07:54:02 GMT

TEN random things about me

1. I change my har literally at least every couple weeks, its ridiculous.
2. I hate talking on the phone.
3. I'm afarid of the dark.
4. I love my doggie, but wish I could hate him cause he is a big mess maker.
5. I would probably still thing I was ugly, even if I was a supermodel.
6. I'm in love.
7. I don't know how to dress, even though people think I do.
8. I love going to concerts.
9. I want to make lots of money when I grow up.hehe.
10. I plan to get married on the beach.

NINE ways to win my heart

1. Have the name Justin McCall.
2. Look like Justin McCall.
3. Act like Justin McCall.
4. Laugh like Justin McCall.
5. Treat me like Justin McCall.
6. Let me pick on you like Justin McCall.
7. Hold my every changing hair back like Justin McCall.
8. Respect me like Justin McCall.
9. Tell me you love me like Justin McCall.

EIGHT things I want to do before I die

1. Get married to the love of my life.
2. Find true happiness.
3. Look in the mirror and think I'm beautiful.
4. Live in California.
5. Learn to wakeboard way better.
6. Be on the cover of a tattoo magazine.
7. Make a fool out of myself in front of tons of people and then laugh right along with them.
8. Find out who the real me is.

SEVEN things I believe in

1. GOD.
2. Jesus.
3. Family.
4. Love.
5. What goes around comes around.
6. Self Respect.
7. Faith.

SIX things that get me mad (or annoyed/paranoid/frustrated)

1. Mean people who treat other badly
2. Sluts
3. Reality T.V.
4. My space or anything like that..I hate livejournal too, but i'm addicted
5. Putting others down
6. Ignorance.

FIVE things I'm afraid of

1. the mirror
2. failure
3. being alone.
4. being poor, as petty as that sounds
5. the dark.

FOUR of my fave items in my room

1. My BED
2. my treasure chest
3. my clothes
4. my doggie.hehe

THREE things I do everyday

1. homework
2. pet my dog
3. kiss justin

TWO things I need to do right now

1. get off of the fucking computer.
2. go to sleep

ONE person I want to see right now

1. i'm going to bed to see my justi-pants

Its been so long.........

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 10:33:42 GMT

I wish I had someone to tell. I wish someone would listen. They do. They all listen. I'm just a whining little girl who has the world.
I'm in love. I have a job. I go to school.
I have no life. I can't stay awake with anything I do. I can't focus it hurts. The future is so far away. I've wasted my youth on trying to grow up so fast.
I'm so old. I've been this old for years. Have I ever even been a teenager. Its over now. I'll never be one again. I've never thought of it that way before. So young. So grown up. So much life ahead. I'm already so sick of it.
I used to write in this like everyday. I know why now, and I know why I've stopped.
I'll never be happy with myself. You can't please everyone. Everyone in the entire world won't think your beautiful.
Lieing is overrated. Everybody cheats in there head. Weather it be at school, work, or in a relationship. But not me, my consious won't take it. thats enough whining for today.

.x. I'm in a car underwater with time to kill .x.

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 05:10:54 GMT

Just because I don't look like a super model doesn't mean i'm not his fashion queen.
golly gee i love that boy.

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 01:57:28 GMT

I haven't cried cause of this kind of feeling for the last 7 months.
I've been free of painful tears.
The only thing that makes me want to live another day just brought a painful tear to my eye.
I'm sad. But i know i'm over reacting.
I have beautiful eyes. I'm gorgeous. Now those words mean nothing.
God i though i had gotten away from this. fucking computer.
You break it and i'll rip yours out. i'm not an easy target.

i'm over acting. i pray.

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 05:08:38 GMT

I had one of those days..Actually the last week has been a long one of those days.
Justins birthday was fun. I hope he enjoyed all the stuff i did for him.
I feel as if i'm getting uglyier by the day. And know i'm not saying it for attention as you all think.
Sometimes i used to at least look in the mirror and think there was a reason for someone to think i'm beautiful. Now i'm not sure how justin can find me attractive.
I get scared i'm never gonna be good enough for myself. Sure I can be good enough for other people, but if i can't see it in myself i don't know how i'm gonna be happy.
My hairs short now and my baby puppy is adorable.
As soon as i figure out how to size down my picks i will post them on here.

I now have a reason to buy the new Ateryu cd.

.x.I feel eyelashes on my cheek
And they lacerate my flesh
A pain so good
So put your hand in mine
Never let go
Never wake up 'cause I'm done with promises
I'm taking blood oaths
Feels like you could kiss my imperfections
My imperfections away
And I would stand
Stand by your side until the sun turns the sky
All the colors I see in your eyes

I'll never need to see the sun again
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world
So take me, take me away
Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same

I swear to you, on everything I am
And I dedicate to you all that I have
And I promise you that I will stand right by your side
Forever and always until the day I die

The bite marks on my neck never felt so good
I'm losing control and it's all that I can do
Not to blackout and fall into lust with you
Your kisses infect me
The dark gift is loving you

And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same
So stand by me as we immulate
We can burn in each other's arms.x.

*sigh*..the love i have in my life right now is the best gift ever..

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 08:09:02 GMT

"Don't you know, you are my everything...
Don't you know, you make my heart sing.
You turn my world, inside out.
Now I know what love is all about...
And it's you that I can't live without."~

..i know its pretty corning but i still like it. It 1 in the morning i can't find anything better..
I love you Justin. thanks for my note

P.S. bye the new My Chemical Romance CD its SOOOO freakin' good..

And We Kissed To Rain Drops On A Warm Summer Night

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 19:40:48 GMT

all i need is a cute boy with hot hair that sings me to sleep while we lay in bed together.

oh wait. i already have that. i'm living in heaven.
now why doesn't it feel like it. strange.

well i FINALLY got a new puter so if you missed me. I'm Back

<3

And The World Kept Turning...While I Was Just Lost In The Wind

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 22:34:51 GMT

:Things I Love:
My Mom.
Rachel.My Lover.My Life.My Everything.
Yummy Smelling Lip Gloss
Hot Pink Pumps
Music that I can rock out too
Justin and every single thing about him. I'm so in love with you.
Pirates
Sweet Boys
Tattoos and Piercings
God and all the beautiful things he gives to me
Romantic Lyrics
The Ocean.The Beach.The Water.
Thunder Storms.
Cuddling with my Justin
Making Out with my Justin
Sleeping In

:Things I Hate:
Annoying People who Try To Hard
Arrogent Boys
Smelly People
Ex-Boyfriends who just don't GET IT
Bitches Get Stiches

.x.Sometimes I Wish All Those Lies People Told Me Were The Truth.x.

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 07:23:52 GMT

GUESS WHO GOT TICKETS FOR THE HIM SHOW??..
yep thats right ME..and boy am I one happy girly...WOOT WOOT.
i sure love me some GOOD Love Metal..hehe

I'm very excited cause I'm gonna get to go to California this summer. I haven't seen my family down there in years...It will be a blast!!

Well I finally got my side lip piercing..hopefully i will get my anti-brow re-pierced soon..Then i want me some more tattoos..I'm a manic..additced i tell you

I got to wakeboard for the first time this year..Man how i miss it. Justin even came out on the boat with us..Man how i love that boy...and Man how i love are times on the boat..*wink wink*

Kris at work seems to enjoy intertaining me with Travis storys..It drives me insane..Kris is a cool kid..but enough about the stupid arrogent boy..
i hope you read that one Kris..hehe..

I want to go back to school for makeup and hair and all that stuff..BLAH..i wish i could really bad..What happens when i don't like Hot Topic any more or if I suck at it and get fired..that what??..oh lordy..

I NEED TO LOSE WIEGTH SOOOOO BAD..I'm disgusted with myself..I look in the mirror and want to cry..I embrassed to be in a swim-suit..ok i'm crying right now..this sucks..You'd think sense i hate it so much i would do something about it..but its SO hard..i hate my body and my genes..BLAH

well i am done complaining so I am off..Love Some Of You LOTS..<3

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 07:55:53 GMT

It's been awhile..I'm sorry..
I have a lover who actually loves me..Its amazing..
I've been having bad days lately though..I feel ugly..I'm not sure what to do to make myself feel better..I hate my face.my hair.my body..No matter what i do i just can't be happy with myself..Everyone i see seems to be better looking then me.
I know I shouldn't care.but thats me..
Justin got the Job at Southcenter Hot Topic..I'm so happy for him.
Yellowcard and Something Corporate show on Friday..woot woot..
Fucking HIM show is sold out..I'm SOOOOO pissed..i'm gonna go cry now..

love you all...<3..well thats a lie but you get the point

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 06:27:21 GMT

i'm so scared right now..so scared i'm crying..
i can't take gettin hurt again..i feel so emotional and i hate it.i'm not supposed to be like this..i hope he means everything he says..

.x.In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you
and in your head were it dwells
I'd give you my hand if you reach out and grab it
lets walk away from this hell.x.

.x.I Believe In A Thing Called Love.x...so that songs drives me nuts..but yeah.hehe

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 05:28:54 GMT

He calls me his love
He opens the car door for me..every time.
He holds my hand and gives them kisses
He leaves me sweet nothings
He whispers in my ear
He sings me my favorite song lyrics
We have matching friends necklaces with little pigs on them
I love when he buys me little surprise gifts
I love when he kisses my toes
I love the showers and the tubs
I love his little snores and when he twiches before he falls asleep
He takes care of me when i feel like poop
He naps with me even when he's not tired
He laughs with and at me even if its not funny
I love the smiles he makes while were holding each other tight
He tells me i'm beautiful, and that he's so glad we found each other
He says I Love You at just the right time
I love he's goofyness and his ticklish belly button
I love talking to him late at night
I love telling him my dreams and whining about my problems
I love the way he listens and I love listening to him
We wrestle and fight..and he always lets me win..unless I tell him not to.hehe
He doesn't blanket hog..but is ok when i do.hehe
He dances with me and twrills me in circles
I love cooking with him
I love how I'm so comfortable around him
I love crying with him
I love falling in love with him alittle more each day
I thank god everynight for him
If this isn't love then i don't know what is

.x. Don't Speak I Know Just What Ur Thinking..And I Don't Need Your Reasons.x.

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 04:59:28 GMT

I'm Scared...I don't feel like explaining anymore...I haven't had my "happy" pills in weeks..Its finally kicking in..I'm finding myself extremly emotional..I cried to him.about being scared..And I said I Love You Too back..I do mean it but its the first time i've ever said it back and I just thought it would feel different..i don't know

.x.To Hear You Say I Love You Too...C&C.x.

Mon, 01 Mar 2004 04:17:45 GMT

well i believe in heads up pennies and four leaf clovers over and over
still i cant see my luck running out right in front of me
you can change your mind
but not your heart
so if you try and fake it again...ill know
and if we try and make it then we'll grow
old and die in each other's arms

.x.Testing The Strong Ones.Scarrring The Beautiful Ones.x.

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 05:07:07 GMT

i haven't written in here forever. I apoligize. So much has happened.
I spent the last 5 days with Justin. And almost every minute of it was wonderful.
What we have together is incrediable. It scares me. I'm afarid to get hurt SO much.
But i know that i'm head over heals for him. And i'm gonna enjoy the happiness.
I glad to have my alone time though. Its very nice. I need it too..hehe..
My rachel came over today and we made YUMMY pancakes..IHOP style.were PRO.tee-hee.
I took my anti-brow peircing out it was getting so ouchy..I a nobody now.hah.
I want to get the vertical labret on the other side of my lip to even things out.
but that means my lip will hurt for awhile.blah.hehe..

note to self..Must By "Take Action" cd at work..

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 08:22:27 GMT

What EVER the feeling is that I have for justin may be.
It feels so fucking good..I'm amazed with life right now.
and no i'm not talking about the sex we don't have..slutty slut sluts.hehe.
thank you lord..

We Drive Tonight And You Are By My Side.....

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 08:09:37 GMT

So..I just got back from the Matchbook Romance show..They played my Fav. song..
I was SOOO freaking STOKED..i even shed a few tears..SO EMO I AM.heheheh.
I also bought a VERY spiffy Matchbook Romance Zip-Up..I LOVE IT..
Wearing it right now actually.GO ME.
SOOOOO...Kris tells me that Brenda at work told him they were "NOT" suppose to be hanging out..and I guess i got in trouble sense i'm part of management and I should know better...WHAT FUCKING EVER DUDE..thats bullshit. SO YAY..strange.
I've had a headache and stomache all day.even at the show.BLAH
so i think i'm gonna hop in the tub then lay night..nite nite all.

<3<3<3<3

Love and Love and Happy Afternoons Watching TV from Your Room While Ur Laying In My Arms

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 03:50:19 GMT

Matchbook Romance is on Wednesday..Woot Woot..Justin can't go supposedly so i'm going with Nate..it will be fun..but no lovey to hold..Booo-Hooo
Saturday is Valentines day..That means Senses Fail..SO STOKED.
Well my plan is to take one day at a time..I'm over whelmed with everything right now..and very scared about it all..
I really wanna wait to have sex again untill I'm married..I know it sounds stupid and like Why Now??..but sex ruins things and unless i know for sure that I'm in love with someone and there in love with me then i really don't want to have sex with them...
Its really hard thought because of Justin..I like him ALOT.and i want to trust that he's not just a typical boy..but yeah..BLAH..I don't know.
On a HAPPIER note...my boyfriend is SEXIER than yours..hehe.check him out!!!

"just keep swimming.just keep swimming."
Your fucking GREAT sweets..I'm such a Lucky Girl.

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 06:36:46 GMT

I'm A Pirate Ship Whore...USE ME USE ME.hehe
Rachel's my one and only lover.Don't Touch BITCHES.
BTW..Me and Justin are Offical.hehe.So when he sluts around i can yell at him.
TEE-HEE...<3<3<3

Tear me open at the seams.
Take everything you need.
Take my heart if you like the beat,
take my lungs if it's hard to breathe, to breathe.

"I'm not cold," he said,
but he's shaking as he's lying next to me naked.
he pulls the hair back from my face to let that smile heat this place.
And this feels so far from real.
I'm lost and I love it.

I can't take it, if you're waiting.
I am ready to tell the world about a boy
who showed me love again for the first time.
And it's everything I dreamed of.

Tell me what you thought about when you were breathing oh so loud,
screaming oh so loud.
Tell me if this is real.
I need to know before I get too close.

So here we lie in this beautiful mess of tangled sheets and beads of sweat.
With my heart in your hand and my neck in the other,
should I be scared or should I come closer?
But it's still beating and I'm still breathing.
You haven't hurt me yet.

Morning always comes too quick when you're around, when you're around.
You leave me lying here so they don't find us out, they'll find us out.

Tear me open at the seams, take everything you need.
Take my heart if you like the beat,
take my lungs if it's hard to breathe.

Is This How A Toy Feels When Its Batteries Run Dry?

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 08:18:37 GMT

i have lots of crap on my mind..don't know how to get it off.
i just need to have lots of fun without boys. i mean i have so much fun with my lovey but yeah i need a different kind of fun i think.
btw..fuck all you whores who have meaningless sex..i hope your feel less empty inside because of it.HAHAHAHA..

.x.You breathe softly
And move in slow motion
We keep a firm grip on this moment
Cuz it will never last as long
As we want it to
So let's make the best of a great situation
I think I'll start at your ears
Work my way down to your neck
Roll over your collarbone
End up at your chest
Hipbones are calling my name
Only I can hear their plea
Serve as handles for the night
Skin like silk becomes slippery
Let's make the best of a great situation
Like every good story there must be an end
It's the only way we can relive this again
So let it go and wave goodbye
Happiness is a handful of days away
It's easier to count the days than hours
We learned that the hard way
The number is lesser in value
And easier to swallow.x.

Love Will Tear Us Apart

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 05:16:49 GMT

Spent the last 4 days with my lovey.hehe...
Justins the sweetest EVER..thanks babe..
The Last Four Days Were Spent...Something Like This..
-Cuddling
-Eating Candy
-Getting Tattooed
-Getting Piercings
-Showers..hehe
-Makeing Out
-Laughing
-Listening To Mixed Cd's
-Wrestling
-Eating More Candy

Take.This.Broken.Heart.And.Make.It.Right.

Sat, 31 Jan 2004 07:12:07 GMT

Justin makes me smile SOOO hard..I love it.
Rachel,Kris,Justin and I are hanging out tommorow..and he's gonna stay down here till Monday...Woot Woot..it should be good times.hopefully we won't get sick of each other.
HAHAHAHA..
Things are to good to be true right now..It REALLY scares me..oh well
i suppose i shall go with it.hehe

.x.I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned.x.
for my lovey.haha

.x.i blushed the first time.you blushed the last time my eyes hit your mind
regenerate these feelings of hatered. i long for your love evermore
you built me up and broke me down this time
and i would wait for you. if you would wait for me
and i will wait for you. if you will wait for me.x.
fuck..i still care about you and miss you so fucking much..why why why??

If You Could Be Anything In The World What Would You Be....=Just Happy

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 05:27:53 GMT

Last Cigarette:: ummm lets see..NEVER
Last Alcoholic Drink:: I has one Mikes Hard Lemonade on Sat..I'm such an alcholic.HAH
Last Car Ride:: went to Arbys with Nate.he got a new car
Last Kiss:: justin..*yum*.hehe
Last Good Cry:: hmmm..i think Friday night
Last Library Book checked out:: NO IDEA
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:: The Butterfly Effect
Last Book Read:: Victorias Secret..bathing suits.haha
Last Movie Rented:: Uptown Girl
Last Cuss Word Uttered:: fuck
Last Beverage Drank:: last of nates Dr. Pepper
Last Food Consumed:: chicken fingers
Last Crush:: all the boys i work with.haha..i crush ALOT
Last Phone Call:: Rachel
Last TV Show Watched:: The O.C.
Last Time Showered:: last night...
Last Shoes Worn:: Converse.old school.hehe
Last CD Played:: Matchbook Romance
Last Item Bought:: ummmm..candyyyyyy
Last Download:: Brodie-when i'm with you
Last Annoyance:: the ruckus cd not being in Rachel's car
Last Disappointment:: hmmm..having to work till 10 on Friday night
Last Soda Drank:: Dr. Pepper
Last Thing Written:: Poem
Last Key Used:: Backspace.hehe
Last Word Spoken:: Later
Last Sleep:: Falling back asleep this morning after the alarm went off
Last Sexual Fantasy:: To many to list.hehe
Last Weird Encounter:: the retarded girl with a Hottie shirt on at work yesterday.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:: Chocolate that was in the milkshake at Red Robins
Last Time Amused:: I'm always amased.hehe
Last Time Wanting To Die:: everytime i am surrounded by idiots
Last Time In Love:: i'm in love with my Rachel every damn day
Last Time Hugged:: about 20 mins ago by nate
Last Time Resentful:: fucking boys..Travis saying i was a dork.
Last Chair Sat In:: computer chair.
Last Lipstick Used:: one with glitter of course..hehe
Last Underwear Worn:: blue silk with sparkles. and they own you.
Last Bra Worn:: black plain and simple one
Last Shirt Worn:: Vintage dolls button up shirt
Last Webpage Visited:: Ticketmaster.com

I'll Try To Kiss You If You Let Me

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 04:56:11 GMT

showers are good.
i'm VERY happy.
please be careful with that heart in you hands..
its already been battered and bruised.I don't know how much more it can take.

.x.I will wait here Darling,
To make sure you are ok.
I will wait here darling..For you.
I am the one who can slove all you problems
A savior with only you to save
That why I'm here. At least I tell myself that
the motivation becomes so blurred..x.